Hmmms and Fails Cornucopia

Hello everyone!  Decided to bring you something different to start the new year off right.  The cell phone has revolutionized how society communicates on a daily basis.  Some would say that we have come too far as it permeates every aspect of our lives (well, at least the newer generation’s)  You cannot deny that these super computers that we hold in our hands have had a positive impact, the ability to call for help, private navigation help for those too proud to ask for directions or dread having to fold up those damn paper maps and of course the benefit of having your runs tracked and analyzed is a godsend for those of us who strive to go further/faster on every training run.  However, there is another big benefit – BLOG FODDER!  Thanks to those convenient built in cameras, mistakes, oddities and things that make us go hmmm (credit CJ for coining that term) can be captured with ease.  I find myself taking pictures of things ALL the time in hopes of finding time to sharing a few laughs to help get us through stressful days.  So, have a laugh or two on me:

Holy crap, there’s an opening for my dream job – the Chick-fil-A Cow Mascot.  If they only knew I’d do it for free. It does make me wonder about their leadership opportunities – I pictured their corporate office being filled with people in cow costumes.  Note, my brother Ron has been invited to tour their corporate offices thanks to their reward program and his love for chicken.  Hoping he will be able to confirm the above vision… and get pictures!

Fails

We stopped to get a quick bite at one of our local McDonald’s.  Truthfully, I can barely stomach their hamburgers these days.  We do not put extra salt on any of our foods so we might be more sensitive than usual, but their hamburgers taste like salt blocks.  While there I notice the giant “take the survey on your receipt” signage plastered right behind the register.  Didn’t think much about it until I looked around the corner and saw their handwritten results.  Apparently the surveys says 61% – good job there…NOT.

Fails

Hit the jump to see a bunch more finds over the past year or so.

Continue reading Hmmms and Fails Cornucopia

More Gems from Fail Land

Every once in awhile I take the time to read our local newspaper.  Actually, read is probably too strong of a word.  It is really more of a scan since most of the content is already old news previously obtained from sources on the net.  The cut and paste from the AP feeds is quite annoying to the point the only sections worth looking at are the opinions page and the city state page.  The latter providing  access to the local crime activities (and to make sure my name didn’t make it there by accident!).  On this particular scan, two things stood out.  One of them was this picture from the AP (rights remains with AP)

There are a number of things that caught my attention here. First off, anyone who thinks the economy is anywhere close to being out of the woods hasn’t been paying attention to the news at all and therefore wouldn’t be reading the paper in the first place – making this entry completely pointless (more filler). Secondly, I share those same initials giving me flashbacks of school ribbing. Third, did someone actually sit down an say to themselves “This would be an awesome name for my establishment”? If so, then this might be the same dude that thought Pen Island would be a great Internet company name for an ink pen wholesaler (hint, write out the obvious URL string – I just checked, it is still accepting http requests, but now has gone dark). Lastly, from the gutter, an image popped into my head with that name that made me shudder.

If that wasn’t enough, this add caught my attention from Illinois Furniture.

This store has been going out of business for at least a year now (likely even longer than that). It has become a local running joke to the point I think the city board is now investigating this store. This was a full page add so I cut it down for easier viewing.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this advertised both in local media and an army of people holding the standard “Going out of Business” placards on the street corners. But this is the part of the advertisement that caused me to burst out laughing.

So, I can save UP to 70%. Typically by all marketing standards I am familiar with, this is the highest amount of saving that can be assumed for the advertised store and this can have all kinds of devious interpretations depending on integrity of the company. But wait, it also says I can save “AND MORE”. What the hell does that mean? If I can save more than 70%, why did they cap my enthusiasm previously by indicating my ceiling of financial thriftiness was 70%? Now they have just confused me so I’ll head to Good’s instead.

Hit the jump to see a few more fails

Continue reading More Gems from Fail Land

Some Fails to Feast On

This has been a pretty physical week for me to the point where this is probably the first time in years (likely exactly 6 years) that I have come home from work and literally crashed out on the couch – actually let me qualify that a bit – came home, completed my training runs and then crashed out on the couch. I didn’t want you to think I was cheating out on my road to running injury recovery. This week will likely result in some future blog entries (depending on how much I think I can discuss about this week in a public forum). For now, just know this particular week I do not have a chair in my “office”. In light of my fatigue, I figured I would simply post a series of fails that I have either come across myself or obtained from my brother or friends.

I am going to start out with my favorite one. Linda actually alerted me to this one. She was traveling down Rt 91 in Dunlap/Peoria when she noticed this sign. Now keep in mind this is one of those things that has plagued me all my life. I was blessed with a name that really can’t be “cutesied” up which I have appreciated, but there is one very common mistake I still see on a daily basis. I have no idea if this sign is actually right or not, but my guess is this particular Brian has fell victim to this common mistake.

The odd thing is it has been up there for months (I made Linda drive by it so I could get a picture). So either it is right or he has also resigned to it. I always nicely respond with a “thanks for the compliment” when the mistake is made in person.

Hit the jump for the rest of the fail gallery!

Continue reading Some Fails to Feast On

Another Set of Fails… or Wow, My Hands Still Hurt

The feeling is starting to come back in my hands, but rather than push it, I’m going with another set of fails to provide some humor in your day.  Hoping to get back to some in depth blogging for the next blog… but then again, why start after 1.5 years HeHe.  Okay, let’s start with a save the environment pamphlet.

So here we have an Earth Matters music festival, but what band is selected to participate in this event?  That would be the Backyard Tire Fire band of course, because nothing says I love the Earth than burning tires.

I think my mother clipped this one from the Springfield State Journal Register.  It appears Springfield has as entertaining a Police Beat section as our local Journal Star.

A pretty poor scan, but essentially this entry relates an apparent car burglary at their Best Buy.  It is not clear from the context, but either the Viper Car Alarm was not installed and thus diminished the value of the system or it was installed and the customer needs to call up Viper and have a little chat.

Since we are on the topic of newspaper entries, here is another one from the Springfield IL. paper.    After 50 years of wedded bliss, the Walmire’s are looking forward to a …

a trip to Menards.  I can imagine the scene around 6 o’clock when the guests of honor proclaim everyone has to finish their cake and leave because Menards is closing in a few hours and they need to make sure they get the fresh licorice and Spechter Root Beer (which is quite good by the way)  before the doors close.

It is Halloween time (although most of the stores around here have their Christmas stuff out) so pulling this morbid display out for your viewing.  I can’t remember the exact store this was in (some small shop in a small town), but it definitely caught my attention when I walked by it.

This brings new meaning to hanging the doll up.  I would think the clerk would notice how uncomfortable this was for the customers and wrap it around the arms or chest instead.  Fortunately, they didn’t leave a plastic bag on the head to help protect the hair!

Lastly, I never get enough Ass Signs.

This was taken at the Springfield State Fairgrounds while my dogs were competing in the National Teacup Agility competition.  In fact I have another sign picture on my phone from a recent team building outing I had to attend for work.  Bowling with my coworkers apparently makes me a better employee.   The same probably applies to the Women’s Bowling Ass that are meeting there later in the week.

That’s all folks, but I’ll keep the camera at the ready for more fails I stumble upon.

Taking A Rest, Going With Some Fails

I spent the day today haaaammmmmmeeeerrrrr drilling 24 3.5″ holes in some cement pillars I constructed for a bridge I am building on my lot.  I had no idea it was going to be as difficult as it was and now awaiting a nasty bruise to appear on the inside of my knee and my hands are just about numb.  Oh, a quick word of advise, when your 3/4″ bit is in the cement, don’t relax on your grip as you slowly bring the bit out of the hole.   If you just asked why (which means you probably experienced it yourself), it is because the heavy torque in the hammer drill will rip it out of your hands and if you are position as I was, it will crack right into the inside of your knee.  I was a quick learner on that one.  Anyway, to give my hands a rest (not having to make a logo or work a lot with images) I went with a collection of fails for this post and likely the next one as well since my production is again behind schedule.

Starting off today’s fails is a picture my brother took in Naperville.

He noticed this sign on Plainfield-Naperville Rd.  He even took the time to notify the park district, however, as of a few days ago they have still not corrected it.  The interesting part of this is obviously someone spent a significant amount of time building it, more individuals spent time setting it in concrete and working on the landscape and NONE of them either noticed or cared enough to bring it to someone’s attention.  Thanks for the photo Ron.

Next up is the deceitful marketing arm for Hersheys.  Although I try not to eat lunch out of the vending machines, every once in awhile I have to.  I figured I would at least get some nutrition from the peanuts so I took the king sized PayDay.

A bad habit of mine is to quickly look at the nutrition label and translate it into the miles I need to run that night to work it off.  So I pulled it out of the machine and turned it over and winced.

I read the calorie content and quickly located the serving size (standard marketing gimmicks to make it seem better than it is) and noticed it was 2.  Then an odd little line at the top of the box caught my attention.  I’ll let you figure out why I bothered to save the wrapper for my blog (okay, I did give you a big hint).

LIARS!

So how would you like to a Fireman in this community?  Big thanks to my friend Rocket who gave me this shot.

This actually reminds me of the ambulance service in my area.  Basically it is the Brimfield, Yates City, Elmwood ambulance service so the last thing you see before being put inside the ambulance is the sign on the side that says B.Y.E.  Not exactly what you want to see on your way to the hospital.

Here is one for the do-it-yourself people out there.  Apparently Homax Products Inc. thinks you are an idiot… or has been sued by an idiot.

It is a bad scan, but it basically says Note: Once trimmed, the notch cannot be made smaller.

And the last one for this post, an entire wall reserved to the honoring all the great dogs and their owners  in their club.

Hmmm, well, at least there will be plenty of room when they actually have the need.  I really like how high they put the lettering.

Oh well, catch you next time

That’s One for the Fail

I happen to be a huge fan of the various “Fail” sites on the Internet.  Just in case you are not familiar with them, basically they collect images and photos of things that fit into a generic failed category.  This could be such things as an engineering failure, a social failure, a design failure or the most common types, signs and descriptions that are incorrectly worded.  Two of the best sites on the web are http://www.engrish.com and http://failblog.org. The first catering to bad translations and the second for the ever popular “Owned” images.  As an avid fan, I am always on the lookout for items like this and over the years have collected quite a few.  I lot of mine can be found at http://www.eddiesoft.com/den/den/scat/miscscat.html.  I decided it would be fitting to include some of the new ones on this blog since after all, this is all about observations.  Warning, some of these are mature oriented.

As a the first in this new category, I’m going to start with a chocolate marshmallow treat I was given in my last Christmas stocking.  Chocolate covered marshmallow treats is nearly an addiction for me so I was eager to bite into the sweetness.  This feeling changed abruptly once I got it out of the packaging.

Snowman Treat

All I could think of was South Park and their quite disturbing character Mr. Hanky.  This character actually being a talking/singing piece of poo with arms, eyes and a Santa hat.

Mr. Hanky

Before I forget, I grabbed this image off of the net.  If someone has an issue with me using it, just let me know along with proof you have rights and I’ll find another one to replace it.  Now I ask you, is this really the impression the candy company is trying to capture?  The confectionery creators didn’t care, so I’m assuming they either don’t watch the show or it is a secret inside joke to them.  In either case, I’m going with another brand next time.

I have some more fails after the jump

Continue reading That’s One for the Fail