Hmmms and Fails Cornucopia

Hello everyone!  Decided to bring you something different to start the new year off right.  The cell phone has revolutionized how society communicates on a daily basis.  Some would say that we have come too far as it permeates every aspect of our lives (well, at least the newer generation’s)  You cannot deny that these super computers that we hold in our hands have had a positive impact, the ability to call for help, private navigation help for those too proud to ask for directions or dread having to fold up those damn paper maps and of course the benefit of having your runs tracked and analyzed is a godsend for those of us who strive to go further/faster on every training run.  However, there is another big benefit – BLOG FODDER!  Thanks to those convenient built in cameras, mistakes, oddities and things that make us go hmmm (credit CJ for coining that term) can be captured with ease.  I find myself taking pictures of things ALL the time in hopes of finding time to sharing a few laughs to help get us through stressful days.  So, have a laugh or two on me:

Holy crap, there’s an opening for my dream job – the Chick-fil-A Cow Mascot.  If they only knew I’d do it for free. It does make me wonder about their leadership opportunities – I pictured their corporate office being filled with people in cow costumes.  Note, my brother Ron has been invited to tour their corporate offices thanks to their reward program and his love for chicken.  Hoping he will be able to confirm the above vision… and get pictures!

Fails

We stopped to get a quick bite at one of our local McDonald’s.  Truthfully, I can barely stomach their hamburgers these days.  We do not put extra salt on any of our foods so we might be more sensitive than usual, but their hamburgers taste like salt blocks.  While there I notice the giant “take the survey on your receipt” signage plastered right behind the register.  Didn’t think much about it until I looked around the corner and saw their handwritten results.  Apparently the surveys says 61% – good job there…NOT.

Fails

Hit the jump to see a bunch more finds over the past year or so.

On our last trip to Vegas we were busy playing tour guide for two of our friends that had never been there before.  If there is one place we know well, it is Vegas and enjoy introducing others to all the interesting things we’ve explored over the years.  While walking through one of the casino lobbies, I noticed the latest fashion in handbags.

Fails

Yes, that’s a life size Yoda bag.  A bit creepy once you realized that he’s been gutted, strung up and  stuffed full of knickknacks.  Speaking of Vegas, finally a container that meets my giant size addiction to chocolate – if I only had room in my suitcase to get it home.

Fails

(Note, I was sadly disappointed when I found it was actually just a coin bank).

NO! you cannot bring another poodle into the house… although this one does look potty trained and already knows how to sit on command.

Fails

Definitely not a big fan of KISS.  A whole band more worried about marketing their goods than working on their craft.  Speaking of which I give you exhibit A.  Nothing says Rock N. Roll like a Volkswagen.  They could have at least made the back wheel fenders look like platform shoes.  Instead, just a sad example of a band beating a dead horse.

Fails

Not sure where I saw this blurb – probably in Bird Watching Magazine or Birding Digest – regardless, my immediate reaction was to read the text to Linda with an embellished “No Shit!” at the end.

Fails

Nothing and I mean nothing says Christmas like a 7 foot pink and light blue sparkling unicorn.  Throw a leprechaun on its back and you can use it for St. Pat’s Day – sure to creep out all the drunks that happen upon it.

Fails

Whenever we go to Bloomington or Naperville, we always try and stop in at Portillo’s.  I jumped for joy when we found out Peoria was getting their own restaurant last year.  Linda and I finally braved the crowds after a couple of months.  While trying to decide what to get, noticed something interesting on their new sign.

Fails

Ended up asking the clerk why the Jumbo Chili Cheese Dog was 90 calories less than the regular Jumbo Chili Cheese Dog.  I should have known better.  After a few minute of blank stares, she asked the person managing the staff who promptly responded – “we don’t know, it came that way when we got it”.

For some reason the movie ticket sales at a small town near us plummeted last month.  No one has any idea why that might have happened.

Fails

In the meantime, the number of gun purchases from the locals sky rocketed.

Welcome to life in the country…those bulls are constantly leaving their turn signals on and nobody can tell which way they’re going.

Fails

I wonder if Farmers Insurance has seen bull DUI before?

Fails

Oh, they meant “Giant Douchebag” – I get it now, clever title.  Kudos to the marketing department that thought to put his hand on a large round object – so fitting.

Some people really like their job.  Our local Home Depot passes out donuts and coffee to the crazies who choose to stay up all night and stand out in the cold to have first dibs at the Black Friday deals.

Fails

Hey, don’t judge me, I really needed that versatile ladder and this way I only had to put two people in the hospital, trip a grandma and blindside a soccer mom with my cart who somehow managed to out sprint me to the tools area – that’ll teach her.

WTF!
Fails

Seriously, I risk life and limb to go to Pier 1 at 7am only to find out that they aren’t honoring their doorbuster deals on Poo-Pourri!?!?!?!  The horror, the horror.  That same grandma from Home Depot saw me looking at the sign and smashed a ceramic giraffe over my head in retaliation.  Good thing for her I passed out or I would have opened up a can of Whoop-Ass on her.

Funny, it felt like another giraffe hit me when I noticed this candy item at our local Big Lots.  Stunned, I called Linda over to show her the display.  “Can you believe this… these were big when I was a kid”.  We used to open them up and try to blow smoke rings with the fine white powder that covered the candy cigs (if you have not seen these before, they even dyed the end in red to make it look like it was lit.)

Fails

In this day and age, completely shocked there isn’t a protest outside demanding they be removed and the entire store go through sensitivity training for putting their little snowflakes in artificial danger.

We saw this shirt while hanging out at the beer tent up at the Mississippi Valley State Fair in Davenport IA.  We were there to see Mini Kiss (link here)..you thought I was kidding didn’t you hehehe – wait, that wasn’t who was playing that night rather a local AC/DC cover band and our favorite house band the Love Dogs.

Fails

Spotted a young woman wearing these socks at the starting line of the Bix 7 race in Davenport IA. (the most enjoyable 7 mile race you will ever run as long as you like big ass hills and Midwest July temps – worth it as the post race is second to none).  Thought to myself, if these work for her I’m buying a pair the minute I cross the finish line!

Fails

Two pairs if I have to actually use the route below!

Fails

Saw the sign above as we were heading out of Michigan City after the Sandhill 1/2 Marathon trail race (link here).  Seems more logical to take the airplane approach and have you roll up and kiss your ass goodbye if the need for this emergency route ever arises.

Okay, some more sign humor.  Can’t remember where this was at, but I definitely didn’t take a picture in a bathroom – nope, not me.  I am always intrigued when there are two methods to dry your hands.  This is one of those times when I don’t need decision rights – whatever method is there I’m going to use – all this does is cause unneeded synapse firing trying to rationalize air, no paper, no heat, wait, contain the germs, but I don’t have to touch anything for the left option, save the planet and don’t use electricity, oh, crap, people are staring at me.

Fails

The part that made me go hmmm in all this was the sign on the paper option…

Fails

They WANT me to use paper, they don’t want my germs going airborne and infecting everyone else in the room — so why the hell do they give me another option?

Okay, there are some things that make me laugh not once, but TWICE.  I saw this sign on a coffee machine.  They actually took the time to laminate it – I wondered why?

Fails

Since I do not drink caffeine, I usually make haste through the coffee area – now a laminated sign, that needed a bit more investigation. Closer inspection read “machine temporarily out of order. we regret any inconvience”.  Ignoring the small case lettering even though they used a “.”, the spelling error was blatant.  Don’t get me wrong, I make spelling mistakes all the time… I just don’t laminate them… why would they do that… Oh, now I know..

Fails

..so they can put it on the brand new replacement machine when it breaks down too.  For the record, the word they wanted is “covfefe”.

Thank Raven for this shot – he was coming out of the National Poodle Agility show at Purina Farms in St. Louis, MO when he spotted this vehicle  – for the entire 3 hour drive back home he was demanding we get him his own mobile Taj Mahal (less pink of course), complete with a red carpet that would roll out to the entrance upon his arrival …with trumpets of course.

Fails

Every Brian out there has to deal with this over and over and over and over and over….

Fails

I have an entire email folder at work for every time something comes addressed to “Brain” and now some of my friends make a point to purposely use it to get my attention – sigh.

Back in Vegas again – stood staring at this display in the Venetian shops for about 5 minutes until I figured out what the hell it was.  Whatever Santa was doing there, pretty sure it is illegal even in Las Vegas.

Fails

… and this is a city dedicated to electric sex..

Fails

It doesn’t matter how many birthdays I have had… I can still laugh at high school humor thanks to a local food truck.  Linda tells me this caused a bit of a stir at a local county board who didn’t appreciate the humor (Dawn won).

Fails

Linda and I happen to have firsthand knowledge of how tightly guarded the brand is for this company.  Apologize for the crappy picture – was laughing so loud I could barely get the phone out of my pocket – hint the top of the A is formed by legs.

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Figured this was a one-off until I found it on Amazon (yep, I had to know).  I tried to find it for this post without luck – must have been taken down.   I did find this equally offensive sticker (unauthorized Cat logo).  Don’t be surprised if that link eventually ends up dead.

Lastly, noticed this product while walking through a Walmart in Arkansas.

Fails

$24.86 or free if you also buy a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Looks like I am out of pictures for this post.  Hope you enjoyed a laugh or two in this set…or at least a cringe.  Really enjoyed producing this post – might have to do this more often.  Big thanks to CJ for motivating me (link here).

2 thoughts on “Hmmms and Fails Cornucopia”

  1. I thought you would appreciate some of them! Sorry about that delayed response, somehow your comment got lost in my to approve queue

    Like

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