Disclaimer: Before I go any further, wanted to state for clarity sake that this is NOT intended to belittle in any manner the true medical condition referred to as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That is a serious condition and truly wish the best outcomes for those that are having to deal with that on daily basis.
What this is referring to an incident that did cause extreme, although temporary, stress while training this morning on the Cry Me a River ultra trail course (link here). For those not familiar with this race, it consists mainly of the Illinois River Bluff Trail (link here) with some additional trails on the ends to accommodate the 50K/100K/100mile distances. One of the toughest courses in the area that will test your elevation training to the limits (the 100m course has 23,500 feet of elevation gain and the 50K is around 12K). It also has the distinction of giving me an ambulance ride to the emergency room (link here). I have since wiped that blemish off my race record, but the event remains cursed as last year I broke my elbow on a training run a week prior to the start – note, that was my first Post “Trail” Stress Disorder event as I still flinch whenever I pass that “Root of All Evil”.
Today, we are gathered here to talk about another PTrSD trauma that happened this very morning and it involves THIS BEAST!
Hit the jump to read more about this harrowing (Linda prefers hilarious) experience.
I need to set the stage in order to fully grasp the situation. Yesterday I had been diligently tracking the weather keeping a keen eye on a bad cell that was heading our way. I needed to get in some solid hill work on the CMaR course to cap a rather hard week – a good soaking would force me back on pavement (ugh). A final check this morning said I was good until around 12:30pm and then it was going to get nasty. No worries, out there by 8:30am, should be done around noon. That looked good on paper, but the sky was already turning a light grey on the drive over – eh, will just push it where I could and hopefully still beat it – off I went.
Made it all the way to the turn-around point and was heading back when I suddenly couldn’t see the trail very well – flipping up the sunglasses helped, but ominously creepy as the trees swayed in the increasing wind – weatherman cursing commenced. Now I had to push up all the steep climbs as I needed to get past a water crossing in case of flash flood. There is also a large tunnel under a highway that is already dark in daylight, now very grey, there was zero chance of spotting resident snakes. I had just traversed the water crossing when Linda called to tell me the forecast had changed, I was going to get the full brunt of the storm very soon. CRAP. So now you have the stage set – bad storm coming, heavy cloud cover cutting down the light and a serious set of hill traversals before making it back out of the valley to the car.
Okay, this is what I DID NOT NEED!
I had just crested one of the hills and was taking some steps to get the lungs back in my chest when about 6 of the cutest little fluff balls came squeaking out of the weeds and plopped right in the middle of the trail about 15 feet ahead. Absolutely adorable – likely newly hatched, barely able to walk and mostly progressing by taking a few steps, belly flopping on the ground, emitting a “meep” and then repeating the process. I thought they were Northern Bobwhite chicks and stood there for about 20 seconds watching them try to get across the trail. Did I mention how adorable they were.
After that 20 seconds, things turned ugly REAL quick. As you probably noticed, the shots so far in this post or not of a Northern Bobwhite – nope, something far bigger and far more formidable. Yes, that is a Wild Turkey hen and she tore out of the woods from the direction the chicks had come from. Holy Shit! – not a Quail – rather 14 to 20 pounds of talon wielding, dagger packing, raging mother hell bent on gutting me so here chicks could dance on my entrails (while “meeping” of course).
Sure, I’ve come across a perturbed Canada Goose in my time, but this was a whole new can of worms. I took a few steps back assuming it would appreciate my reverence…damn things still coming at me, now tail full fan. Still in shock I took a few faster strides backwards … damn thing is STILL coming at me, this time making pecking motions like Jason Vorhees. Less than three feet now and closing fast, I turn and start running down back down the hill hoping I didn’t clip any “Roots of all Evil”. I get a good ways back down the hill and she relents, turns and runs back to her chicks. Holy Hell – note, thoughts of rain had been replace.
I slowly make my way back and by now the initial group of chicks had moved off a considerable distance to the right – their mom was busy getting them grouped back together.
I figured it was safe to try and pass now and thoughts of getting drenched were back now thanks to the unexpected delay – an extra exhaustion of having to re-traverse the hill. I took about three steps to test the waters and all of a sudden ANOTHER small fluff ball appears from the left side of the trail.. takes two steps and then face plants into the ground with its tiny little wings spread out..”meep”. This must have been the youngest of the group. I smiled not grasping the entirety of the situation. I stood there once again mesmerized..the little chick got up, took a few more steps, dust plopped letting out another “meep”. A-D-O-R-A-B…wait and then my eyes locked on the mother who just realized she was missing one …I’ll be damned if that hen didn’t tear out after me again, yes, she chased me even further back down the hill again – WTF, honestly, I am the last person that would hurt a bird, much less a baby. I did manage to somehow get the second “action” shot by point my camera backwards while in fast retreat (pretty impressive in my opinion ha!). It also occurred to me I was yelling “Whoa Whoa Whoa” at it the whole time like she was a Horse or something.
Slowly made my way BACK up the hill for a third time and stood there while the mom gathered up the last chick and heading off into the woods. I literally stood there an extra minute or two just waiting for another chick to come and cause my ass to be chased back down the hill. The danger had finally cleared and I refocused on getting back to the trailhead before the storm let loose. DID NOT MAKE IT. About two miles from the end it cut loose on me. Ironically, I actually chuckling to myself thinking about the ordeal and being absolutely thankful no one else saw that spectacle – inevitably they would have gotten the hilarity on video and next thing I know it would be playing on loop during the Intrigued Christmas party.
Soaked to the bone, yet thankful I chose to wear the new Hokas with the full lugs or I would have probably been crawling up some of those later hills. As if running isn’t stressful enough on its own, from now on I am going to have to watch for roots and hens. Oh well, at least we hopefully all got a good laugh. Oh, and I looked it up when I got home – Turkeys can reach speeds up to 25mph on the ground and 55mph in the air..for short periods of time, but still!! I also found this link:
https://www.app.com/story/life/2021/11/16/wild-turkeys-attack-humans/6283582001/
Which states: “If you encounter a turkey, Brand said, here’s what to do: “Take out your cellphone, position your head right next to the turkey, extend your right arm and take a selfie and leave the thing alone!” he said. “Get the picture and move on!”
Life Intrigued 