A week ago, I was heading out for a quick lunch in downtown Peoria. Local restaurants bring carts downtown by the courthouse with various menu items. Now that I have multiple offices for an assignment I am on, I get the benefit of being able to enjoy a larger variety for lunch. As I walked past the courthouse I saw an individual of African American descent (is that the proper classification these days?) walk past an individual of Anglo Saxon heritage standing by a retaining wall. The guy standing must have said something to the guy walking by because he turned back to talk to the guy standing. As soon as the walking guy recognized him, he put out his right hand for the standard greeting handshake. He literally stood there with hand out for close to 30 seconds while conversing back and forth. The standing guy never took his hand out of his pockets nor even changed his expression to acknowledge the extended hand. Finally the shake initiator raised his elbow up higher to draw further attention to the request for a shake… no response. In a last desperate attempt he switched hands and tried to get the guy to shake the other hand but that was met with the exact same lack of acknowledgment. Finally the guy turned back and continued on his way. I found this very strange. There was no change in voice tone that I could tell so it was not an issue of being angry, just a complete lack of desire to shake his hand. I wish I could have actually heard the conversation to be able to determine if the visuals matched what was actually going on. For all I know the standing guy could have been completely paralyzed in both arms and was unable to remove them from his pocket – of course, Biden would have demanded that he extend his arms anyway – maybe the standing guy saw him spit into both his hands earlier in the day. He certainly could not have felt threatened in the presence of the universal sign for “I am not carrying a weapon” and he did not even twitch to the opposite direction.
Anyway, I thought it was odd and that is what this site is all about.
Life Intrigued 
Interesting. I occasionally read letters to advice columnists from people who do not like to shake hands for some reason. This is where I learned last year that some women don’t want to shake hands with men because they read that many men don’t wash their hands before leaving a restroom. Anyway, a polite way of declining is usually what is required, and the response is sometimes to simply grasp the shoulder of the extended arm as an acknowledgment, or some action like that, or (to my surprise) say that you don’t shake hands. In all cases you need to do something other than stand there like this guy.
Maybe I notice these letters because there were times in the past when I had skin problems on my hands that prevented me from shaking hands–either because my hands were fairly disgusting with open scabs or because it hurt like hell. I remember my usual response was that I couldn’t because my hands were all “broken out,” an understatement but quite effective nonetheless 8^).
Ron
I am not a big fan of shaking hands, but I will do that any day over someone trying to HUG me. I really have a problem with that and it is obvious some people don’t detect my deterrent signals (like when I take three steps back 8^) You are probably right on why women don’t like to shake hands. I like to inform my wife when I walk out of the bathroom behind a guy that didn’t wash. Generally I point and say NWH – No Wash Hands which makes her cringe – I feel it is my duty in case she has to come in contact with that individual later. I do appreciate the fact you were willing to warn people about your allergies. Actually, now that I think of it, I am probably overly sensitive to the whole touching thing (yeah, I have problem with people other than my wife or family actually touching me) because our immediate family has never really done that…. generally no handshaking and to my memory, no hugging – Dad gave me a little room to sort things out for myself if I happened to do something stupid that injured myself – I always appreciated that – especially for keeping me out of the “cuddle generation” … and don’t bring up the whole skateboard incident – we know the root cause of those stiches now don’t we?
Hey, thanks again for all the comments
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Well, the grasp of the shoulder can be a simple grab-shake maneuver rather than anything resembling a hug. The thing is, when a man offers a handshake you can sort of grab the shoulder of that arm and give it a friendly shake, thereby subtly dislodging his arm from the handshake position and ending the situation leaving both participants with honor intact. In fact, that movement can jar his hand to grab your shoulder, kind of an shouldershake. And of course you have the leverage and control now to thrust that person between you and his wife who wants to give you a hug.
8^)
Ron
Interesting.. I always considered sacrificing my wife and reaching over with my other hand and pulling her between me and the potential space invader. It also provides a conversation point since you can query the individual as to why he is trying to grab your wife 8^). If there is one thing I like from the body language book I reviewed in this blog previously, was the tactic for overcoming the dominant shaker (puts his hand over or pointing down so you lose status) .. that being stepping into the guy with your right too and then shifting to his right to gain leverage over him (also a classic Hapkido move usually followed by taking your left leg and sliding it past and to the left of the attacker and rotating clockwise with your left locking his arm at the elbow)
Thanks for taking the time to provide feedback
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